Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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