so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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