I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
