dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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