i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
be right there i have to get my cape
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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