She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
