Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
