How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize