two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize