I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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