He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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