On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
