This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize