he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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