haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
