apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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