Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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