Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
