I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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