My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
