I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
