The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
