i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
