you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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