Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
