How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
