A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
