He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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