he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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