If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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