You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
