I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
