walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
