I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
false alarm, still single
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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