I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
