Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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