onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
