God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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