So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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