Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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