he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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