I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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