you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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