I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
