ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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