forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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