I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
