We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
