I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
