ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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