How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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