This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
