plz talk dirty to me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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