Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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