just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
