pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh god it's open bar.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
