I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Houston, we have a blender
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
