Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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