He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
