Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
