I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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