I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
