So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
