I'm gonna have a badass scar
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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