Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
