somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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