Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
