So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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