in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
