You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
