a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize