I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
