Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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