I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
