TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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