dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
