dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
