If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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