I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
