We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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